Wednesday, September 06, 2006

Farewell to Summer

Clearly there is something wrong with me. I am a grown man and the sight of a school bus driving up the street on a cool September morning fills me with free floating anxiety.

What did I do over my summer vacation? Perhaps it's easier to say what I didn't do: that would be blogging. I have been a very bad blogger. I had every intention of keeping it going over the summer but we wrapped the show and then one day turned into two and then I remember going for a few pints with Seamus O'Reagan sometime in May and next thing you know here it is September and I'm back in my cubicle at the CBC staring at a very out of date blog. I am glad to be back though. I have my geometry set, my coloured pencils and I'm wearing a pair of shiny new slacks. My first show airs Tuesday October 3rd. All aboard the short bus – it's back to school.

Speaking of the short bus I see that Jack Layton has distinguished himself on the international front by coming up with a solution for the Afghanistan situation. Jack is calling for peace talks with the Taliban. About time the NDP get back to their more loony roots. For a while there they were coming off all semi-sensible.

Rest assured if there are peace talks with the Taliban and Jack Layton The Mercer Report will be there! I've attended a lot of political events over the years and as a location I would suggest holding the talks in one of the ball rooms at the casino in Hull.

I think you might be able to smoke there and I'm guessing the Taliban would appreciate that. All the Taliban really require to have a good time is an ashtray and a few de-peopled women making sure there's a steady supply of unsafe drinking water.

Agenda for Historic Peace talks between Jack Layton and Taliban leader - room 202 Casino Du Lac Leamy, Quebec

8:00 am – Jack Layton opening comments and welcome to assembled media and Taliban representative.

8:05 am – Taliban representative walks to podium, poses for photographs with Mr. Layton.

8:06 am – Taliban representative cleaves Mr. Layton in the forehead with giant axe.

8:08 am – Peace talks end.

8:10 am – Olivia Chow says she is "encouraged by talks” – announces plan to run for leadership of NDP.

What else is going on? On the Liberal front I was encouraged to read that Michael Ignatieff will not accept any questions from the media that are "anticipatory hypotheticals". I'm glad he made this clear because I hope to interview him on the show this year and I appreciate the heads up. Truth is I like Iggy but honestly sometimes I don't know what in the hell he's talking about. I thought all hypotheticals were anticipatory! I am so stupid sometimes. I googled the phrase "anticipatory hypothetical" and there are only seven known uses in the history of the English language. The term pops up on a website called and it's also used in an essay written by some dude in Iowa who believes that robots have taken over the world.

And finally on a sad note that crocodile hunter guy was killed by a stingray. Laugh and the world laughs with you, get killed by a benign piece of seafood and the world laughs too apparently. Showbiz is brutal that way.

Welcome back.