Monday, September 25, 2006

Bring Out Your Dead

Dear friend and supporter,

Did you know that in the event of your tragic death you can remain an active member of the Liberal Party of Canada? The party’s membership renewal commission has reinterpreted our constitution and has determined that dead people can now hold executive positions within the Liberal party and even attend future conventions as voting members.

This is why I am writing to you today.

Please consider a one time gift of your human remains to the party – at no cost to you.

Imagine the peace of mind you will have on your deathbed knowing that while death may bring an end to many of life’s pleasures, you will still be involved in the advancement of democracy and Liberal ideals in Canada.

Many Canadians are doing just that right now. Michael Ignatieff has a number of deceased Canadians working for him on his campaign. They may be dead but they can still get Iggy with it! In fact World War I flying ace Billy Bishop has recently taken out a party membership and has officially endorsed Ignatieff and the courageous positions he has taken on the use of force during the interrogation of prisoners.

But while Billy Bishop’s arrival back on the scene is certain to bring some excitement to this campaign it is Joe Volpe who should be commended for pioneering this exciting new way to support the Liberal party. As Joe has said so eloquently in the past, for the Liberal party to succeed in the 21st century we must embrace not only hardworking new Canadians but non-working dead Canadians as well.

It was Joe who realized early on that the dead were a huge untapped resource, signing up as many of these dedicated dead Liberals as he could. In fact, after a hard day of campaigning in the many small towns across Canada Joe would often, under cover of darkness, visit local graveyards. Once there Joe, armed with artist parchment and a number four charcoal pencil, would make tombstone rubbings until dawn. Every rubbing a testament to a life lived and the basis for a party membership.

So if you are dead or near dead hurry now and give your body to the party – all the leadership candidates are looking for support from dead people.

Bob Rae, for example, has recently accepted the public endorsement of Hedy Fry.

So we ask you now in the event of your death – remember the Liberal party of Canada. Also in the event of your near death, say a car accident or heart attack, take the opportunity to ask your deceased relatives if they would like to support the party.

Donate your body today by downloading a donor declaration of intent from the Liberal Party website.

Do it for Canada.

Yours truly,

Mackenzie King
Membership Renewal Commission
Liberal Party of Canada