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Confidential

To: Conservative Party of Canada Caucus Members
Re: Leaders Schedule.

Please be advised that Stephen Harper will not be available for regularly scheduled beratings this coming Friday . Leaders schedule has been changed to devote time to the spontaneous charm offensive.

Caucus members are encouraged to memorize leaders schedule, attend events and cheer the leader on in an appropriate manner.

Friday June 24

5:00 pm Leader to spontaneously bump into Rona Ambrose and conservative youth caucus by centennial flame.

5:05 pm Leader will refer to Rona and youth caucus as the “hottie and her peeps”.

Assembled caucus and observers are encouraged to raise right hand, form a fist, make a circular motion and chant “Stephen! Stephen! Stephen!”

CTV countdown with Mike Duffy crew to be in attendance.

5:10 pm Leader and youth caucus to travel on foot to ByWard market where leader will spontaneously announce he is getting nipple pierced.

Canada press photographer to attend.
Photo of leader’s nipple being iced to be released immediately.

5:30 Leader to sit on deck at Milestones restaurant located near the Chateau Laurier. Leader will order and enjoy a domestic beer. Members of caucus are invited to stop by and “Have a cold one with Stephen”

While seated leader will roll up shirt sleeves and expose yellow lance Armstrong cancer bracelet. Jane Taber to be informed that “Stephen relaxed and ordered a domestic beer just like a regular guy, he talked about hockey and declared ‘anyone who drinks imported is a pansy”

(note to caucus: many of you have voiced your concerns over our last memo encouraging you to wear the yellow cancer bracelet. We have looked into your concerns and have determined that the yellow cancer bracelet does not cause cancer but is part of a campaign to beat cancer)

6:45pm Secret Hacky Sac lessons.

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